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Our choice to have children, or not to, does not define us as women. My goodness — THIS!!! The Christmas cards, the expensive shoes — you nailed it.
I find it a little dramatic and self-important. I saw good friends get married, have kids, and everything that goes along with that.
I made different choices. Later in life, I had a baby, and now I see things from another perspective. I think it is part of being human in the 21st century.
Far from it. Certainly not the choice! I also understand this is not always about choice; some persons cannot have children, when they wish they could.
I honor all those experiences. Marriage, new careers, kids; they all shift the perspective of the woman experiencing them. Life is no cake-walk no matter where you land.
Friends can also move away, take a demanding new position at work, start a new relationship, experience an illness. As someone with 3 close friends who had babies last last year, I understand these feelings so well.
I appreciate the perspective written from someone other than a busy, overwhelmed new mom which is also important and valid! Thanks for sharing this Caroline.
Count me in as another reader who can completely relate and is grateful to see this perspective shared so eloquently. It was, at times, sad and frustrating and isolating.
And yes, I felt like my accomplishments big new job, promotions, buying a house felt insignificant compared to kids.
It actually still bothers me a little bit. Depending on how old the kids are I usually suggest an outing that includes them.
Their mom and I might have to talk in 5 minute bursts in between bathroom breaks, tantrums, and demands for food but I think the main thing is to hang out with each other.
Errands are a good standby for get togethers. Or if the kids are really small I offer to bring take out and we get together at their home.
Adult drinks optional. Plus, this is off the topic, but when you have to care for elderly parents you start running into similar problems.
The main thing is to keep trying. Even if its a few texts a week or a half hour grocery run you can still have fun together.
Caroline, I loved this post and it is such a good reminder to me to continue to reach out to those friends without kids and include them in my life.
Riye, I really appreciate your comment and suggestions. Figuring out ways to make it work is the key to keeping these friendships in tact. Like many, I work long days at a busy job and am exhausted at the end of most work days.
This does not mean I love her or her child any less — it means I have interests and needs also. Just another piece of the puzzle yet one that is equally valid….
Thank you thank you thank you, for articulating this. Can someone who is childless ever just have their own emotions about it. Why is it always less than how a parent feels?
I should know better than to read comment sections. I read this and just took a deep breath in and out…. This is the thing I wish people understood.
This came up at my book club a few months ago. I had to ask the rest of the group if they get asked about their parental status by Uber drivers.
This happens to me all the time and I find it such a bizarre and personal question to ask a stranger. I have to wonder what it feels like to be a man.
I cannot imagine that as many men my age are asked if they have kids. Why is this a default question of women? I can relate.
Where I live everyone has kids and wants kids. They think everyone on the planet should have kids. So they tell me all the time to my face that i have no purpose in life and my existence in life is pointless just because I never want to be a mother.
I also make it clear that not everyone on the planet will have kids and they need to accept that. I have lived in the same state since and my choice to never have kids has never been celebrated and no one has ever told me they respect my choice.
This is so beautifully written, Caroline. Thank you for writing this—for your authenticity, and for the hope you elicit about friendships!
Thank you for writing this, Caroline. I always enjoy your pieces but this one is my absolute favorite. I feel so seen. Some friends who also became parents at the same time as me, turned out to have very different values that became more apparent when kids entered the picture.
Some non-parent friends refused to acknowledge the enormity of what having kids does to a person, a marriage, a life.
New parenthood can be especially lonely and jarring for the people going through it. I encourage anyone to stick with your new parent friends despite their flaking and consant colds.
They need to be seen as people and parents. And in the scheme of things, the new parent haze is extremely hard, yet incredibly fast.
Also, maybe we should stop thinking of friends as only people our general age. And other kids and other older people.
But if over time, you realize your new parent friend is actually a jerk, no need to do the extra work that it takes to be friends with parents.
And PS as a stay at home parent, I would argue that many people think my life has no purpose or meaning. One sticky truth is that though it seems like our society values children and families, in practice it often does not.
Thanks for adding this at the bottom. As a sahm for almost ten years now I totally agree and feel invisible to all except my kids and husband.
All in all, I believe we as women should stick together and honor the myriad of experiences we are all living. I think your last point is really poignant.
It goes both ways, and women who decide to have kids are so often not valued in that choice. I disagree. Where I live only people that have kids or want kids are told their lives have meaning and that they have a reason to be alive.
The society here only favors kids and parents! My choice to be childfree has never been celebrated and it has never been respected.
I so agree with this. And I too feel that — having chosen family over career — society values my choices very little. Thanks for your comment, Julie!
Kim- good grief! I am so sorry to read of your experience. I hope you thrive and are very happy in your new home.
Sending you all best wishes! Such a well-written post! I am about to have my first child. I am one of the last in my close friend group to do so as I decided to wait until after I turned 30 to start having children.
I watched my friends go through the new baby phase and stayed in their lives the best way I could. Even though we live in different states, every time I am home I make a point to see them.
I watched my mom and dad go through this with their best friends from high school. But after my brother and I went to college they reconnected and their friendship is strong if not stronger then before.
Life is all about the ebb and flow. I have a great career and full life, have always traveled back for weddings, babies, all the big moments even if those friends have never visited me in my new city.
Even if I was struggling mentally. When every promotion, raise, or health milestone is met with maybe an emoji, I often wonder what would happen if I did get engaged.
Would the fanfare really be that much bigger if I choose to get married over that time I doubled my income with a new job? Most of my friends forgot.
But I celebrated a year I was proud of on my own. I will continue to be a good friend and show up for the people in my life when they ask, but my expectations on how those friendships are returned have changed.
I mean they owe you one ;. I have had similar experiences. Celebrated all the weddings and babies. When I got my PhD, no reciprocal celebration. We have to keep celebrating ourselves, because we deserve it!
I can relate to this comment. My husband is older than me, and he went through this when his friends starting having kids and we moved miles away. He would get jealous that my childless friends could make trips out to see us, and make my birthday into a special occasion.
You need to save your time off for doctors appointments, and all your spare income goes straight to childcare and diapers.
I loved this post, and I have loved reading all of these comments. Such a smart, thoughtful community at CoJ!
I am 37 and have been married for 13! My husband and I do not plan on having biological children. Does anyone else have these feelings?
I have a few friends that have chosen not to have kids because of the environmental impact, and I have four kids! We just have different approaches to the same problem.
Right there with you! My heart is heavy when I think about it and this is one big contribution I can make. That feels good and conscionable to me.
Caroline — thank you for sharing your perspective on this. And I so love and appreciate the tidbit you shared that you still try to maintain your friendship with another mom in the form of takeout dinners after her kid goes to sleep.
I actually love hanging out sans kid with two dear college friends both childless , who I have a regular brunch and book club with.
And to be honest, even I find that the endless parade of Christmas cards from friends with kids can be a little tiring I myself refuse to send out any of these cards because they will usually end up in the trash.
With the exception of my two dearest friends, I tend to lose interest in the friendship. It feels like we have nothing in common anymore and frankly, my sincerest apologies to all the moms out there, I find children boring and tedious.
But, my aforementioned two best friends with children? I will love them and remain faithful until the day I die. I love seeing their children and never tire of hearing stories about them and will gladly rearrange my schedule to be with them when they have the time.
What purposeful things weigh the most to you? Thank you for sharing. This is a great point. I think most people have good intentions, and communication is a two-way street.
It takes such wisdom to see that! Thank you for this perspective. But I also found that having kids changed my priorities, and once my priority was no longer to stay out late partying, a lot of my single friends dropped away.
I would die. Beautifully written piece. Wonderful perspective that captures both sides of the kid divide, without isolating either.
Both come with challenges and both are worth a word about. I have a 9 month old and have been, admittedly, completely consumed by motherhood.
Chronic sleep deprivation is really a beast, and with no family to help, hours of sleep per night has been the norm for many stretches of time since our baby was born.
But also, as I feel the haze lift a bit, I want to do better. Hang in there Riley! My first year was SO hard and I was very hard on myself and regret that Big mom hug to you!!
There was a time 9 years ago when my sister and one of my best friends had babies within months of each other. I remember one afternoon my friend cancelled a hang out at the last minute, and I sat on the floor of my kitchen and cried.
I missed them both so much. But of course this changes. Going through this is just part of growing up. My current relationships with my friends and sisters with kids is so much richer and more wonderful than anything I could have imagined that day on the kitchen floor.
Murakami in Sputnik Sweetheart says we are all lumps of in our own seperate orbits. Best comment Heather! Yes, Heather! I love your comment!
Now that my youngest is 3 I am spending so much more time with friends both with and without kids around and it is so life-giving to me. I have been a mom for 8 years via adoption after struggling through infertility for many years — and I still miss me, and am trying to figure out who I am in this new life!
Motherhood is disorienting, or is it just adulthood? I have thought about this so many times since reading it.
Thank you for taking the time to share your experience. Thank you so much for this. I am childfree, and lose friends to this all the time.
I also am trying to do a better job of treating my life milestones as worthy. That promotion is exciting and you are worthy of celebration!
A friend of mine recently hosted a party to celebrate her quitting from a toxic job, another a party for the adoption of a new cat.
Our choices are valid, even if we have to be reminded sometimes. Thank you for taking time to write from your perspective.
They never asked me- just assumed, in part because of the narrative that you tell here. Often the LAST thing I wanted to talk about was poop color, and I hate that the moment someone learns I have kids- its the only thing they ask about.
I am still multifaceted. Calling the distance between moms and non-moms a chasm is part of what creates the chasm.
A mom is still an independent woman, and maybe a wife or partner, a business owner, a daughter, a friend. With support, they can still be all of those things.
I think you make a valid point when you say relationships change- but miss that ALL people are put into boxes, and different parts of different people are celebrated depending on context.
At work, I often feel compelled to minimize my motherhood because of the assumptions people make about them and my priorities. Thank you for saying this, MD.
It is hard to be a mom I was 27 when I had my first child, and most of my friends still do not have children several years later and I feel left behind in a different way as well!
However, there is loneliness, sadness, and loss that happens when you become a mom. I applaud you for laying the other side bare Caroline. It was so tough and honestly frustrating for me to hear.
I want her to know me as me now, and that takes more work on her end, for sure — I recognize that. Her comment did, in the moment, feel like one more person demanding that I be more perfect and give more of myself.
Now, with some distance, I can sympathize with her more, though I struggle sometimes to find the balance between speaking my truths about the realities of parenting a young child while working outside the home and making space for my sister to feel seen and heard.
Maybe your sister was just nostalgic for a different time, which I think we can all be at times. I totally understand both sides and sounds like you kind of do too.
I know I have the baby now, but if we could hang out and drink 3 glasses of wine and eat a cheese board this Friday or Saturday, I will move mountains to do it.
I was constantly giving giving giving giving giving even after I was months into total sleep deprivation. No matter how much I gave gave gave, even if the day went well, you still had to keep at it constantly both day and night and then day and night and day and night.
It felt lonely and monotonous and almost unfair how hard it was. On the outside, it may seem like this is no big deal — find a sitter and go out for two hours.
I have nothing left. I agree with the ebb and flow perspective and ask all friends out there to see that the ebb is not personal.
Really not personal. Your friend probably loves you and needs you and misses you more than ever. I am so grateful to my friends who never once mentioned the ebbs, and just let me flow back into in-person baby-free outings when I was ready.
Meg, totally agree. That entire first year of motherhood was such a tender and vulnerable time, and it was so painful to feel that those I had been close to were disappointed in the new version of me, even while I could feel so lonely.
Emily, thank you so much for your thoughtful reply. I really appreciate your words. I have a question for us humans though. What a trap we have ourselves in and it pits us against each other in so many ways.
And if these happen without our choice ebbing and flowing with the journey. At the beginning of this life journey we all start as equal.
This is a great piece. Some were able to continue friendships and include me in their lives and others could not. Some were calmer as parents and others completely unwound by it.
I know that this says the most about her life choices, but how long do you wait for someone to make time for friendship?
Your friend made her choices, you should make yours. I doubt that you have seen it all about having children without actually having children though.
Kiki P. That has to be so hard. I do think the only ones able to keep myself from negative feelings are myself and MAYBE the therapist :. You have so beautifully articulated what I have struggled to put into words for so long.
I feel seen, Caroline. Thank you for this post. Thanks for putting this out there into the universe! This totally resonated with me.
Just yesterday I finally met up with a friend who recently had her first child. There have been some pretty big things going on in my life that I was hoping to talk to her about, but she was distracted by her baby the entire time we were together.
Candace, I would talk to your friend. Tell her how you really feel. As someone who has had children, I venture to say it took a monumental effort for mother who has recently had a baby to meet up with someone for that long.
Baby eat every hours for a good part of the first year. They nap frequently. Everything new moms do have to fall into that rhythm.
Because if it were me, you would have to be extremely special for me to haul my sleep deprived, usually hungry, infrequently showered self and a fussy baby to go meet up with you.
I bet you are quite special to her. Her ability to meet your needs has just been reduced by a more urgent and press source of needs. And she might hate that!
She might be in getting-through mode…because just getting through can feel like a Herculean effort with a baby.
She might be lonely. Meeting with you and staying for 45 minutes might have required more than an ounce of effort! Since when being a mother is an excuse for not treating well a friend?
Come on! Your feelings are real, and your problems and your time are important. Trust your feelings. Sending you a hug. I feel no need to offer excuse to anyone.
Friends who can understand that stay. The loss of friendship will just be another casualty to be had.
What I was offering is the perspective of what it might look like from the other side, because I have been in both sides and I know I cared.
Get delivery lunch and relax together. Or, maybe planning weekend-long get-togethers that involve partners, kids, etc. Especially with babies.
I value what this readership says so much and I really want to hear what people think about the decision to have kids or not in the face of climate change.
Maybe a post on this? Candace, I appreciate your perspective here and am another who thinks you could actually take the opposite message — a new mom who persists through reschedulings and shows up with the baby LOVES you and REALLY wants to see you!
Agree with all the feedback here, Candace. At the same time, you do deserve to get what you need out of the friendship.
I see you have your hands full, and I appreciate you meeting up. They appreciate not having to pack up the child, I get to see them.
I can make this decision, and it will be okay. I always feel so very grateful and inspired to get a peek at this facet of Caroline.
The truthful insight and perspective you bring to topics covered a thousand times. Oh my gosh. Because everything can have a loss.
And then we make a decision whether or not to embrace it! All your questions are the ones I have whether I have children one day or not.
This is so beautifully written. Loved reading this — thank you Caroline. And love the ocean analogy for friendships — it rings so true for so many of my current relationships.
A generational perspective: my grown daughter has decided she will not have children planetary resource concerns, mainly and my grown son is recently single with a busy artistic life.
No one should have a child solely to please their own parents! As you all very thoughtfully consider life on either side of this significant divide, look a generation behind you.
What do you see? This is thought-provoking. Many of my childfree aunts and uncles are now also grand childfree grand aunts and uncles.
If not this, then what? What will be our what? Laura, I can see how this would be incredibly hard. If you have friends whose adult kids you are at all close to, and whose grandkids might eventually be part of your life, can you be an adopted grandma for some of those new little ones?
She too felt pangs of envy for her friends who were becoming grandparents and attempted to share this with me in an effort to relate to my pain of infertility sidenote: not at all helpful!
What I wish she would have done: called me on weekends to spontaneously get a pedicure, or go to a movie, or try a pottery class, or a new restaurant…all the adult stuff that is impossible now that I finally do have kids!
Change in life is constant, time is a great leveler, and friends are gifts. You may feel left behind now, but the current of life picks us all up and moves us eventually, in one way or another, regardless of the best intentions and plans.
One friend may have a baby, another may lose someone dear to them, someone may get fired, or become ill, weather a divorce, or bankruptcy, or a family crisis, or somehow lose their way.
We still need our friends. Friendship, adult companionship, to be real and genuine with someone outside of the mommy role, to hear about other lives and challenges — that is serious gold.
Even when I was deep in the trenches of parenthood my friends — with or without kids- were lifelines- touchstones, anchors, relief, made me laugh, listened to my frustrations, told me of theirs, talked me off cliffs, lifted me up, and brought me home to myself.
It can be a lonely, harried, overscheduled place to be. I am incredibly grateful to the friends who have picked up the slack I created in the relationship and who have shown up anyway — I only hope I can turn around and pay the favor back some day.
Everyday is indeed a ruthless prioritization. When I had my new born, I remember having to decide if I want to go pee or if I want to eat lunch.
Yes yes yes. Ruthless prioritization. Yes, this is how I feel too. I am 5 months pregnant and ask this with TRUE curiosity. Hanh — I do NOT understand how you can only pee or eat lunch.
This terrifies me, and of course you are not the first to say it — just the first person I can ask in an anonymous and thoughtful setting! Hi E, My first born was colicky.
She never slept more than 30 mins at a time, but usually just 15mins cat naps for 5 months straight. It did not help that i was new at being a mom and had zero experience with babies.
If i go pee, for a while been holding it for sometime : , then i may not be able to heat up my lunch and finish eating it quietly.
If I continue to hold it in, I will have a few extra minutes to tip toe around heat up some soup and finish eating.
These were literally the thoughts that went through my mind. Now that i have had 2 kids, they can go to town screaming for a min or two.
However, not everyone have colicky babies. I hope you wont. Good luck and congratulations! Having a new baby is indescribably exhausting, but so magical.
A note to the childless: Please hang in there for the first year of each new life. Your friend will be back, yes, in maybe a different way — staying out until 4am may change to 11pm, or brunch might start at 10am instead of 1pm — but please cut her some slack in the first year.
Yes, I selfishly made all my childfree friends which is all of them come to me, and even watch my baby while I took a nap.
But now that my son is 5, I have invested back into my friends and more; being there through every breakup, engagement, fight, job-loss, etc.
There are peaks and valleys in every relationship. Hang in there. She will be back and she needs you! Their kids are all consuming of their free time.
D, the difference I see in your choice to make your friends come and watch your baby meaning you invited them to meet you where you are and not to not be involved in their life at all.
I think we forget as people that we both have to do the work to keep friendship going, good job! This might not be the right place for this convo but does anyone else feel extremely unsure about having kids?
Anyway, it feels like everyone either feels destined to be a mom or is childless by choice or childless not by choice, which is of course extremely difficult , but does anyone else just feel completely uncertain about having kids?
Yes — completely so. I mean I certainly didnt like babies. I was in love with my dogs. But I looked at my husband family, and saw the 5 siblings and their parents.
They are there for each other at times of happiness and sadness. They gather for the holidays in a way that keep our hearts warmed.
I wanted that for myself. So I jumped on the train and had 2 kids. But, never once have my husband and I regretted the decision to remain a couple.
Life would have been much different, with different joys and sorrows, but there still would have been joys and sorrows with children.
You are not alone! There are many of us who waffled, were ambivalent, etc before making a final decision or, as you imply having unfortunate circumstances make it for us.
What makes the decision so difficult is that all of the downsides you list are very, very real and you are spot on about the gendered aspect of it too!
Only you can decide if that leap is one you want to take. Raising my hand! For a while, I was pretty set on having children in the future maybe as a result of the relationship I was in , but in the past year, I feel increasingly unsure about it!
Maybe its just this phase in my life, and that feeling will work itself out. My mom has never been the type to pressure me at all about having children, but I always figured she assumed that I would.
I can see it going either way for you. I was very unsure about having kids, as was my husband. We ultimately decided to do so about 10 years into our relationship, in our mids, and now have an month old and another on the way.
We weighed the costs and benefits, as best we could understand them, and made the best decision we could. But it was more an intellectual decision than an emotional one.
That said, the road not taken still looks entirely valid and viable. You do you. In fact I was leaning towards no kids and got pregnant at 38 after having been married 10 years.
I am completely in your boat! My husband and I are married, approaching 30 and both very unsure whether to or not. We always thought we would have kids, but ever since Trump was elected, we have become more aware of all the issues in the world, as well as gotten more comfortable in our post-college lifestyle.
Having parents who are constantly nagging us about having kids only makes us not want them as well. I really try not to think about it and just reevaluate in a few years, but give the world we live in, it is hard not to.
I was also completely unsure about kids. So I did, and yep, without question, the greatest learning experience of my life.
Do I sometimes wonder if I made the right choice? My mental and emotional health have been highly tested, and will always be, by the bonds of motherhood.
It truly is the agony and the ecstasy. Life is always, and only, what we make of it. Can you take a step back and articulate your philosophy of a life well lived?
Would parenthood inhibit or enhance that? Love this so much. Around years ago most of my friends started having kids and simultaneously my husband stopped drinking.
If felt like that was when we began losing most of the existing relationships we had. Lovely post! I had my first child when I lived in the US and a second while living in Europe.
I just want to add the perspective that in my experience, in countries with decent childcare and parental leave policies, women feel entitled to retain the parts of themselves that many new American mothers are forced or think they must choose to cast aside.
Laughing and bonding with other moms was so useful because it was in many ways a coping strategy for how much life had changed. Those sacrifices of time to socailize, career, financial autonomy, identity were not required of me in a country that fully supports new mothers and gives paid leave to both parents.
This was a heart-breaking realization for me, because I thought being a good mother meant some measure of sacrifice, and now I think, no, many of the sacrifices I made were just because of an exploitative system.
I find that here in the US, there is absolutely no limit to what you are supposed to feel guilty about as a mother.
This this this. None of it has to be this way in America, but we fool ourselves or rather, those who benefit fool us into thinking it does.
Thank you for saying it. This is such an excellent point Olivia. I see this situation as very much the result of a lack of community support for parents.
I am pregnant with my first in the US and thinking about how we will manage with no family support and very little support from society in general is totally overwhelming.
But I do think the extreme divide between parents and not in the US is because there is so little community support for families and having a young family can put an intense economic strain on people.
Often the only choice time wise and financially is to pull back from relationships outside the home.
The number one reason I chose not to have children. The belittlement and lack of gratitude by the US government and general attitudes that descend from the governing body in the form of policy.
Fortunately I also felt that creating a child is a sacred undertaking certainly NOT to be assumed as a given by-product of partnership — or of womanhood for that matter.
I always considered myself very fortunate to have seemingly felt confident about this without much thought. I do appreciate this mini-thread. Then I felt annoyed at my emo response.
THEN I found this thread and was reminded that being under-supported is not the same as under-delivering. I do hope big changes are coming to the US soon.
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Last night, I hosted The Last Supper… My friend perched on my sofa, a pillow adorably propped atop her eight-month-pregnant belly. And then… everyone started having babies.
And that was different. And here, we arrive at the chasm. April 29, Comments Thank you for this article.
Exactly what I needed to hear and resonated on so. In the US we love pregnant ladies—mothers and children, not so much.
Thanks for this, Caroline! Hi Lieschen, I understand your frustration. If your schedule allows, just wait to hang out until their child is asleep.
But also, dial up some compassion and tone down the pomposity. People like you make my heart hurt. Separately — this was a stunning essay.
Well done! Thank you for this. Just thinking about the implied meaning of word choices: Childfree v. Childless One is more free than the other?
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He is in parallel continuing his scientific work at the Dr. Vigor was born in Rijeka, Croatia. After he finished high school in Opatija, he moved to Zagreb where he obtained his bachelor's degree in Chemistry at the Faculty of Science, University of Zagreb in summer Two years later he also defended the master thesis in Inorganic and Structural Chemistry at the Department of Chemistry, Faculty of Science, University of Zagreb, obtained the master's degree and two months later, in autumn During his PhD he is currently working on structural and biochemical identification of the effector proteins from Legionella pneumophila.
During her PhD research, she focused on the dengue virus-induced pathogenic inflammatory mediators through activating host transcription factors under the supervision of Dr.
Yee-Shin Lin and Dr. Chiou-Feng Lin. Following this, she joined a cooperative project of group A streptococcus pathogenesis led by Dr. Jiunn-Jung Wu and Dr.
She studied on the mechanism of defective xenophagy of group A streptococcus in endothelial cells through regulation of galectins and ubiquitin as well as the induction of LC3-associated phagocytosis.
In November Alexis joined the laboratory of Prof. Dikic as a Postdoctoral researcher investigating how phosphoribosyl-linked serine ubiquitination affects cellular functions.
During her PhD, Andrea focused on studying the regulation of a particular PI3P-effector protein during starvation induced autophagy.
Anshu joined Dikic group as a PhD student in Sept and is currently focusing on Quantitative profiling of lysosomal ubiquitylome in altered physiological scenarios.
Diana finished her training as a technical assistant in and worked on clinical studies at the Children Hospital in Munich.
There, she focused on histology for cancer treatment. Ivan Dikic's lab. After the national exam, she was working as a medical doctor at the Institute for Emergency Medicine of Zagreb County.
Marina obtained her Master in bioengineering and bioinformatics at Moscow State University in Russia. She joined Prof. Petra Beli laboratory for Ph.
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